Ashes to Ashes. Dust to Dust.

thoughts trogir dalmacija croatia hrvatska acrylic painting landscape streetscape sandra pelly artfromsoul

© Sandra Pelly, 2015, All Rights Reserved,
Acrylic on card stock, A4 size


My head is sometimes a mess of thoughts, a tangled web lost in darkness.  It talks, screams, yells, whispers, does never stop.  I get called to darkness.  As I sulk in corner I look towards the dark places, I don't have to look far they are within me.  I try to forget, actually forgetting is easy, everything gets erased like tabula rasa, except emotions, those deep dark ones creeping in, lurking behind every doorway, corner, every stone, every window.  Those emotions dont go away no matter how much you try.  The whispers are always there, always stalking waiting for right moment to inflict the right amount of damage, and that damage is always there.  My heart is constructed purely out of emotions, I do not use the head, since it is far gone.

sandra pelly acrylic nude painting figure pain depression sadness st teresa angel suicide death


© Sandra Pelly, 2015, All Rights Reserved,
Acrylic on card stock and tissue, A4 size

Reference:  Monqy88

Sometimes I wish I could take physical pain as a penance.  God knows that is easier to take than feeling way I am right now. Yeah physical pain as a way of sanctifying yourself.  I know I am supposed to believe it, but why physical pain, its easier way out, you bleed it hurts and it passes, emotional pain lasts for ages, does not go away and leaves scars that are always there, you cant erase them, cant get over them, they are deep, they hurt, they are constant nagging voice in back of your head. They ultimately destroy you, devour you.  So yeah if physical pain is easier I will take it, maybe St. Theresa was right.  She asked for suffering over death, I didnt ask for suffering I have it a plenty but death i frequently want to call upon.  Ecstasy of St Theresa... I would rather chose the other.

twinke star strella portrait acrylic painting sandra pelly artfromsoultwinke star strella portrait acrylic painting sandra pelly artfromsoul




© Sandra Pelly, 2015, All Rights Reserved,
Acrylic on card stock, A4 size

One more attempt at painting my 2 year old. I took a picture the other night while putting her to bed.  She loves her room staring at the rocket ship at the wall, painted stars, art by few DA artists I purchased while back, and some got as present and twinkling star fairy lights above her. Every night we cuddle and go through the routine, we read "Its a Tiger" by David LaRochelle and scream through house A TIGGGGEEEEEERRRRR!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then we sing, about two dozen songs then she turns around cuddles rocket ship pillow while resting her head on bedding with embroidered stars kisses me and falls asleep.  I cherish these moments.  I enjoy putting my babies to bed, first Laila the 6 month old, then Stella the two year old terrornaught, and finally Illyana 10 year old angel.

I painted to this listening to Chopin's Nocturnes…; I love listening to his work, has deep profound sadness that I feel inside, its like listening to a best friend talk to you, who understands what goes on inside your heart and soul.  It also feeds my OCD.  I spent days getting the lines of the shirt right, and listening to Chopin lets me concentrate, keeps me in focus on one thing - painting.  I can then ignore most of the voices inside of my head.

I sent photo of this painting last night to my mum, she wants it, I am not going to give it to her this is Stella's I made it for her, so she can cherish it when she grows up.  I enjoy watching her grow, talk and argue, even when she is naughty I see strong spark in her that brightens my world.  She is my star. I love her dearly.  I love her dreaming.   She is incredibly smart little chatterbox.

asylum nude depression insanity sandra pelly painting acrylic paper


© Sandra Pelly, 2014, All Rights Reserved,
Acrylic on card stock, A4 size

Reference: lovely Natalie

I sometimes feel like I have locked myself into my own asylum, in my straight jacket of my own creation unable to escape.  I keep hurting myself, but at same time I reach for little bit of light.  I hide under the windows so outside world would not see me, I try to be obscure, and avoid everything I can.  I carve for love, hugs, touch... I hug myself,  I seek comfort within myself, and walls block me from speaking from anyone.  I look at the world and i see it dirty, place around me is not sterile enough.  I cant hide from my emotions that exert the violence towards me, anger towards me, self destruction that ultimately leads to self confinement.  I stopped trusting, I just locked myself away in the room and wont come out till it is all over.